Archive for January, 2012


Cocktail bars are the leavings of busy metropolitan life. Generally situated down city side streets they are hidden and enigmatic. Inside, the occupants have worked hard in the day and are there to have fun. It’s a static catwalk. You’ve already been judged by the shoes that you walked in with and after glancing down at your brogues you look back up. You’re at the bar already. This is your chance to shine.

A sneaky, over-the-shoulder panoramic reveals several people are in close vicinity. The women are wearing dresses named specifically for the occasion, cocktail dresses. The men are wearing cocktail trousers and shirts because they exist.

“Serve me that lady drink in a different glass”

You probably shouldn’t give the barman an answer that’s too common like ‘Mojito’ because that will bore him and you’ll look terribly basic. Yet you want a cocktail that you might actually enjoy, not one that will blow your socks off and not one that flaunts a fluorescent colour, sparkler or piece of fruit.

It’s not too superficial of you to care what your cocktail looks like. Cocktails, like the clothes that you wear, hold a certain degree of material value to onlookers. They’ve been sitting in the clutches of literary and cinematic icons for years. Think Bond and Martini. Think Mafia and Manhattan. Think Hemingway and Daiquiri.

A pink Cosmopolitan might taste like a dream to you but holding one of those doesn’t make you look, what word should we use? ‘Cool’. That’s not to say that you’re uncomfortable with your masculinity either. You might be wearing a pink shirt or tie. And if you are uncomfortable with being a man you wouldn’t be reading a metrosexual article such as this – that’s unless you’re shielding your laptop from your wife and are going to erase all history before bed. You savage man.

The truth is I’m not going to suggest a cocktail that you should order. I haven’t got one. I adore Mojitos but there’s too many Bacardi Mojito ready mixes out there for me. It’s a risky world. The best thing to do is be spontaneous. React to the situation. If you feel like having a pink one then you go girl and if you feel like saying to the barman, ‘serve me that lady drink in a different glass’ then that’s fine. It’s up to you. Try new things.

My technique is asking every barman for a ‘manly cocktail’. Many look at me in anguish. In fact I’ve been given several cocktails which taste like turps (if you’re a man you should know what turps is, or so I was once told. Here you go, you non-man: turps ).



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